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The subtle art of not giving a f*ck

May 25, 2017

mindful living

I’m sure a lot of you have seen this book on Instagram. It’s actually marketing genius – the color contrasts of orange and black on the cover, the splash patterns, and the clever title. And, of course dropping some F bombs can also increase your edgy coolness factor.

It went through Instagram and the blogosphere like a virus and I caught it. I usually like this kind of business/motivational reads, but I’ll be honest – no matter how I try it, I’m not completely immune to the above-mentioned marketing hacks either. Yes, this book kinda looks cool.

Is that shallow to say?

But to be fair, after reading it, I realized it’s really much much more than just an empty marketing hack.

First of all, Mark Manson writes really well. He actually writes so well that he wouldn’t even need to use this many fucks in his writing (a bit too many even for me and I don’t speak like a princess).

But I also get the vulgarity. It adds a lot to its brutal honesty. Because it’s not the feel good about yourself, everything’s gonna be fine, just do these 10 steps kind of self-help book. It hits you in the face. Gets you thinking. And hopefully, helps you make some decisions about the kind of life you want to have.

Because life’s a short one. And a difficult one. Full of problems, self-doubt, setbacks, injustices. And what makes life even more difficult? If we live it for the wrong reasons. Then for sure we are set for some major disappointments.

Everyone and their TV commercials want you to believe that the key to a good life is a nicer job, or a more rugged car, or a prettier girlfriend, or a hot tub with an inflatable pool for the kids. The world is constantly telling you that the path to a better life is more, more, more – buy more, own more, make more, fuck more, be more. You are constantly bombarded with messages to give a fuck about everything, all the time. (…)The problem is that giving too many fucks is bad for your mental health. It causes you to become overly attached to the superficial and fake, to dedicate your life to chasing a mirage of happiness and satisfaction.

Granted, it’s not exactly easy in the times we live. We are surrounded by too much information, stimuli, and anxiety. It’s difficult to cut through all that noise.

There is a subtle art to not giving a fuck. And though the concept may sound ridiculous and I may sound like an asshole, what I’m talking about here is essentially learning how to focus and prioritize your thoughts effectively – how to pick and choose what matters to you and what does not matter to you based on finely honed personal values. This is incredibly difficult. It takes a lifetime of practice and discipline to achieve. And you will regularly fail. But it is perhaps the most worthy struggle one can undertake in one’s life. It is perhaps the only struggle in one’s life.

So, choose your struggles. Get real about your priorities. Decide what’s important and what really isn’t worth your attention/time/involvement. We are always choosing something, in every second of our lives, so at least be aware of that and try to make more conscious choices.

So, in that spirit, these are the things I’m trying to not give a fuck about.

– Fear of failure. I could have just written fear in general, but if I’m being real about this, fear is not a thing in itself – it’s more like fear of failure. It’s a powerful feeling. However, what is even more powerful is accepting that failure is OK. It’s actually very liberating when you accept that things might not go the way you plan and you still decide to try.

– Vanity metrics. Likes, followers, material status symbols.

– Other random people’s lives. There is a big difference between jealousy and inspiration.  Be inspired by what others have achieved. Use it to push yourself. But don’t assume their lives are perfect or so much better than yours. It’s the most useless activity ever, because no matter how much you obsess over it, that in itself won’t change your life one bit.

Instead, I try to focus on

+ Experiences. Memories. Good times with friends and family. Trying and learning new things. Traveling. See my minimalism manifesto for more.

+ How to be the best version of myself. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Nobel-prize winner when I grew up. As things now stand, I probably won’t be (though never say never). Does that make me a failure? Probably not. I push myself, set goals, but also learn to rewrite what success means for me, personally.

+ Time. Too much obsession with the passing of time is unhealthy. However, being aware that our time is limited can be motivating. It makes me wanna spend it more wisely.

+ Knowing my boundaries and pushing them. It’s a strange game, terrifying, but also very satisfying at the same time.

So, what are the things you learnt not to give a fuck about? Let me know your thoughts, xx

Choose your struggles, learn to let go.
  • Jing September 14, 2017 at 3:09 AM

    I’m reading this book right now and absolutely LOVING it! The quote you pointed out, especially “The world is constantly telling you that the path to a better life is more, more, more – buy more, own more, make more, fuck more, BE MORE”!! I just love the sentiment because even when we aren’t focused on things, we’re focused on a promotion or focused on being more fit and it’s just goals goals goals. When was the last time we just wanted to do something because it was fun without it having to be for self improvement, even?

    Self improvement is great…I mean I wouldn’t be reading the book if I didn’t care about that, but also, I love the reminder from Mark that even *that* should be done in moderation. I loved the way he communicated how we need to choose what we’re willing to suffer for. 🙂

    • Viktoria September 14, 2017 at 9:48 PM

      I could literally quote every second page of that book:) It really has some eye-opening insights. Or rather, insights we probably already have deep down, but seeing them in print just helps connecting the dots.

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